I've never been strong on dialogue. Perhaps, it would be better to say I haven't really attempted writing dialogue very much because I'm not too sure how to go about it. So this week's Fiction Friday prompt is a welcome challenge. We have to use the afoot in a dialogue. I'll be grateful for any suggestions for improvement.


Dave picked up the phone. He took a deep breath before dialling the number.

“Joe ? It’s Dave here. I’m very sorry about this but I’ve a foot of snow blocking my driveway. The authorities are advising people not to use the road down into the valley until it has been cleared and gritted. I’m afraid I’m not going to make it to the meeting.”

“But that’s impossible! You know how important this meeting is for us. You’ve conducted all the negotiations from the beginning. You’ve just got to be here.”

Dave tried to calm things down.

“Well, I’m really sorry but I can’t see any way how I can get down there today, short of sending in a chopper to get me out of here. I’m afraid, you’ll have to manage without me.”

He was grateful that Joe didn’t ask what had made him spend the weekend up on the plateau when everyone knew snow was forecast.

“Maybe you could get Florian to stand in for me? He accompanied me now and again during the negotiations, and he knows some of the TOMALS staff.”

“Florian! Are you kidding? That guy puts a foot in it every time he opens his mouth. He’s a greater liability than some of our worst enemies. Well, I guess there’s nothing for it but to meet the TOMALS directors myself. But stay by the phone in case we need to get in touch. And that’s an order!”

Dave hung up and was immediately joined by his wife.


“I’m not sure. I have a feeling Joe suspects something’s afoot. He didn’t seem too happy, especially when I recommended Florian to replace me.”

“Yes, he’s not over fond of my brother. Never has been. But he’ll have no choice.”

“Far from it, he’s taking over operations himself.”

A light gleamed in her eyes as she moved towards the cocktail cabinet and poured out two large whiskies.

“That, my darling husband is exactly what we had been hoping for. With or without Florian the talks will break down. Let me be the first to drink the health of VEENA’s new managing director.”


Actually, I think this dialogue reads very well. The voices are natural and believable.

Love how you played with afoot in the first paragraph then worked it in later with the real meaning.

27 July 2007 at 15:16  

I agree with Tammi, very clever use of the words and very readable dialogu. JC

27 July 2007 at 15:38  

very clever... i loved how you played with a foot... before it was afoot.... excellent....

27 July 2007 at 16:37  

I agree with Tammi as well, the dialoguess are nicely done

27 July 2007 at 16:57  

I see this code in the post...
< ! -- [if !supportEmptyParas] -- >

Not sure if this is a blogger glitch in your post or part of the dialog? Sorry if I'm slow. Lyn

27 July 2007 at 19:21  

Ooops, sorry, I posted the last comment in the wrong place. What I meant to say here is that in Firefox the entry looks fine, but in IE the html code glitch is there. Weird. Well, don't mind me :whistle: lol

27 July 2007 at 19:26  

Aha - "afoot" on the front and back end of this piece - and a mystery to boot. Nicely done!


27 July 2007 at 21:08  

At the end I was hoping the wife would do something with her foot. Maybe she draped a foot over the edge of a chair... Nice way of working in three different versions of the phrase.

27 July 2007 at 22:57  

Afoot! Nice, flowing dialogue. Also, thanks for your nice comment earlier this week.

28 July 2007 at 01:45  

Newer Post Older Post Home

Blogger Template by Blogcrowds