Proper Medical Advice

Acting upon good medical advice is always advisable. That was the one message I pondered upon while waiting in the carriage whilst my husband, Lane, dealt with the formalities of checking into the hotel. We were indeed acting upon such medical advice that very moment. My husband and I, finding ourselves in the delicate position of not being able to get me in a delicate position, we had sought Dr. Chasuble's advice. Having only lived in Worthing for a few weeks, how were we to know to know that the illustrious ancestor was not a doctor at all! We did, however, think it strange that we were ushered into the vestry as a consulting room. Only then did our mistake come to light; yet the Reverend Doctor's advice did seem to make sense.

So here we were at the Manor House Hotel, Woolton Hertfordshire. And sitting in that grand carriage which had met us 19th century fashion at the railway station, I suddenly saw the hand of fate in all this. Dr. Chasuble, Woolton Hertfordshire, acting on sound medical advice.... it was almost as if we ourselves were on stage, the drama being played out around us. And to cap it all, there was to be a performance of the great man's work that very evening. The billboard was there for all and sundry to see, pasted across the entrance gate to the manor. In the time it took the carriage to negotiate the sinewy drive up to the mansion, we had made up our minds: We would go. That was why Lane dashed into the hotel to sort out matters, while I remained outside. And after the play... fun and games. Doctor's orders, of course!

Let's go into the details of all that went on during those first few days. Suffice to say that there were lots of fun and games until on the fifth day of our stay I suddenly got taken ill. This time we made sure we sought out a proper doctor who gave us the wonderful news:

'My dear Mrs. Prism, I'afraid I've got some rather bad news for you. Not only are you pregnant, but it would seem as if you're carrying triplets.'

We stared at him in horror. Triplets! Afraid! What on earth was there to be afraid about? We'd come here to have a baby, and now we were going to have three. All at once! What could be better! Except perhaps four or five; but then let's not be greedy.

Within seconds of the news sinking in, Lane and I we were in each other's arms, rejoicing.

'But doctor, are you absolutely sure. After all, it is a bit early. I mean it's only five days since...'

'My dear Mrs. Prism, there can be no doubt. Surely, you must be aware that, science is always making wonderful improvements in things. Besides, you are staying at the Manor House, if my memory serves correctly. Surely, you are aware of the history of that renowned establishment.'

And in a flash, Lady Bracknell's closing words in that play once again stamped themselves on my memory:

'I do not know whether there is anything peculiarly exciting in the air of this particular part of Hertfordshire, but the number of births that go on seems to me considerably above the proper average that statistics have laid down for our guidance.'

So, after all, we had been right to act upon proper medical advice.


Dear Oscar, I'm sure you're going to love this, so I see no need to apologise. Indeed, I have just one regret, and that is I'm sure you would have done this better.

Your ever-jealous, humble forger,
T.R.Y. Better-Next-Time

20 February 2009 at 10:19  

ahh the distisnguished Lady Brackenll - how charming she pop in to afford us advice.

20 February 2009 at 10:50  

If only this were a real place I would go there to.... do the deed if I ever decide to have kids. I'd love twins!

20 February 2009 at 19:44  

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