Arthur had just one more reason for living; revenge! It was when he realised the best way to gain that vengeance was by ending his life that he returned to Bristol. 24 years of marriage had come to this. His few remaining thoughts went to what might have been. Would Enna cry? Would she even hear how he had decided to finish things. If only… But it was too late for that now. He’d played his cards and chosen duty over the bliss that might have been. One year later and the end was nigh. His mother’s words still rang out in his ears.
“He was the only one who knew about the trap door.”
That wasn’t true. His mother had known; now he too knew.
In fact, it took just five minutes to find. Arthur lowered himself onto the ledge. Unable to look down, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, counted one, two, three and jumped... No, his feet remained rooted to the spot. He couldn't do it. His only problem now was how to get back up through the trap door.
Labels: Fiction Friday
jabblog said...
Oh my! The thought of being trapped and unable to escape is horrific.
19 June 2009 at 14:48
James Ashelford said...
I'd like to see this expanded, actually. In the short piece you presented you made a nice sketch of the character's state of mind. As sad as the character was, as harsh as his life seems to have become, it might be well worth your while exploring that.
Mine own: http://eclecticchair.wordpress.com/2009/06/19/fiction-friday-reyes-angel/
19 June 2009 at 23:31
kajoemanis said...
Goodness! I almost had the same experience to this just couple weeks ago: my son was sleeping in my room when I decided to take a bath. After I finished, I realized that I couldn't open the door! The handle was OK, but the slot got stuck. What made it more horrible was no one there but just the two of us in separated rooms. I finally managed to get into the ceiling by climbing up the wall just to break another ceiling in my room.
An expansion of this story would be great. Some extra exploration on emotion will ginger up the story more.
Readers can read mine:
http://tyuditha.wordpress.com
20 June 2009 at 04:14
Unknown said...
Succinctly said. Flash Fiction is always a tricky one - what to include - what not to - you kept enough hooks and hints in to keep the readers interest with your piece a good display of the geography of your characters mindset.
great first draft. would love to see the next draft.
visitors can see my FF here
http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2009/06/aquaphobia.html
20 June 2009 at 17:50
Anonymous said...
Nice work. I was left wondering whether his failure to end his life was, ironically, going to result in his life ending due to being trapped or if he'd end up getting out. Well written!
21 June 2009 at 01:37