Exercises In Style

Instead of continuing the story as the prompt asks us to do, I have tried to rewrite the original two paragraphs in a different style.

Original


‘God damn.’ Eddie Kerne’s voice had altered, from anger to shock. But he shifted back to anger quickly. ‘And what the hell were you doing while he was climbing off the bloody cliff? Watching him? Egging him on? Or having it off with her?

‘He was climbing alone. I didn’t know he’d gone. I don’t know why he went.’ The last was a lie, but he couldn’t bear to give his father any additional ammunition. ‘They though at first it was an accident. But when they looked at his equipment, they saw it had been tampered with.’

Poetic

Do you know my own true son
What it is that you have done?
Such an idiot, I can't believe
That while he died, e'en his wife you did not leave.

Oh but Dad, tis not my fault.
Nothing know I about his vault.
And so, dear reader a lie so white
For once from his lips did alite.

At first, you see, an accident they suspect,
but then foul play still more expected.
For tampered his equipment was,
Thus murder they suspect because.

Humourous

Tampered with, I've never heard anything so funny in all my life. You really want me to believe anyone would take the trouble to fool around with his equipment when all they had to do was leave him to his own means. The man was a walking accident. He never needed egging on, not when it came to doing anything stupid. And I bet all the time that was going on, you were in bed having it off with is wife. Oh, it really is all too funny.

Defamiliarisation

Looking at him you'd think he was vacillating between anger and shock. Yet, as he stood there, straight as a ramrod, emotions in check, with even a touch of relief in his eyes, you'd never have guessed it. That's what made it so difficult to reply to him. I waited almost a full to minutes before blurting the first thing that came into my head. 'He decided to leave me have my way with his wife and go climbing alone. I guess he did so because he loved her. And of course, being an ardent team man, it made perfect sense for him to go off alone. He was always doing it.' After all that even I was unaware as to what was truth and what was lie.

3 comments:

Different approach, but I have to say I like it!
My entry:
http://johnpender.net/2010/02/fiction-friday-141/

6 February 2010 at 16:54  

I like this concept quite a bit. It reminds me of going out to a fine dining establishment where I would be served a star ingredient prepared three ways.

Literature Three Ways - served with a pint of fine ale. I like it.
~chris

6 February 2010 at 18:04  

That's really clever, I like the way you've done something different with the prompt.

8 February 2010 at 14:44  

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