I suppose I should be careful with this post as I'm probably in the minority amongst those doing this meme. But the moment I saw the word gray as part of this week's prompt, I succumbed to temptation. This extemely serious piece of journalism forms part of the the 3 Word Wednesday writing prompt. This week we have to use the words Memphis, gray and fathom.

"Distinguished Professor's Spectacular Discovery"

April, 5470. Professor James Hurley, leading researcher at the Second Universal University has rocked the foundation of the academic world with a spectacular find which has turned thinking on the origins of the ancient Lish-Eng language upside down. Professor Hurley, a specialist in the language and culture of now obsolete civilisations, was accompanying some of the world's most renowed archeologists on their dig at the ancient site of Ricame which now forms part of the vast mid-western Atlantic wastelands. As one of the party explains:

"A small group of searchers had just begun a new seam somewhat to the south of the main dig. We had reached a depth of some six fathoms when we unearthed a sizeable metal container. At first, it seemed unlikely that it it would be anything important so close to the surface. It wasn't until we recognised an airtight container that we solicited Professor Hurley's help."

What Professor Hurley had, in fact, found were three leather-bound written documents, at least three thousand years old, and vaguely resembling an early invention used for the communication of ideas. Some early samples of these books, as they were apparantly called, were found a few years ago on an island off the shores of the mid-western atlantic landmass.

The dig immediately began concentrating on this new seam, and in just a few weeks several similar objects were unearthed, all written in the Kee-Yan dialect of the now defunct Lish-Eng language. Meanwhile, Professor Hurley retired to the university's research centre, spending many months pouring over these documents and attempting to fathom the complex coding system in al its intricacies. His findings have yet to be made public but a source, close to the professor has informed "The Daily Take" that they will revolutionise our thinking on how our own language of universality should be coded and pronounced. Words like gray are but a deviant of what should actually be. Most speakers of the time coded them in the fashion of the islanders using the screechy e instead of the more refined a of the mid-western landmass. The same holds true for the snakelike s which, according to Professor Hurely, is in fact a much older and more widespread usage than the substantial z.

If they stand up to the daily cut and thrust of academic debate, Professor Hurley's findings will not prove popular, as they will radically alter our own language usage. Schoolteachers all over will fear the consequences of yet another code reform, whilst our overloaded Information Filter Technicians are predicting chaos for the vast majority of outdated computer systems. Only those computers built within the last three days have the capacity to adapt to these new findings. Meanwhile, Professor David Surly, whose lazer laser information disk on the origins of formal Universalese has already been discredited, is said to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Understandably, Professor Surly was not available for comment this morning.

This is not the first time the controversial dig has hit the headlines. Last year a civic hostel was unearthed bearing the inscription "Welcome to Memphis." This led some Ancient Near Easternologists to believe that the cradle of civilisation may, in fact, be in the Atlantic wastelands rather than in the glorious, longstanding Egyptian city bearing that name. Other finds brought to light by the dig include several pelvic like statues of an ancient deity and some screechy recordings of mass-hysteria during a worship service dedicated to this mysterious figure.


You are beyond brilliant, Paul! This was so much fun to read and decipher -- I laughed so hard when I figured out what the Kee-Yan dialect was. And the pelvic like statues of Elvis had me rolling on the floor. Very creative and clever.

2 August 2007 at 08:29  

great post--very funny--I had thought about using Memphis in ancient Egypt too.

2 August 2007 at 13:14  

awesome :)

2 August 2007 at 14:54  

Very much like a newspaper article - well done.

2 August 2007 at 15:08  

I got such a kick out of this...very enjoyable! Thanks for making me smile. :~)

2 August 2007 at 17:47  

Bone's post had me thinking about what a short time we inhabit this earth

Now you confirmed it. Thanks :)

Really really interesting for this Kee-Yan

2 August 2007 at 18:02  

very creative and well written. a great way to start my day.

thanks for coming by!

2 August 2007 at 18:09  

No offense taken. You had me rolling on the floor. Especially the parts about the computers having to change with spelling differences, and the deity...

Too funny!

2 August 2007 at 22:52  

I think it's hilarious, Paul. Especially the pelvic statues and the 3-day-old outdated computers.

Superbly imaginative.

2 August 2007 at 23:21  

pelvic like statues of an ancient deity and some screechy recordings of mass-hysteria during a worship service dedicated to this mysterious figure.


It's nice to see something not so pro-Elvis :)

3 August 2007 at 02:58  

oh nice! I got your link to work this week!!! :) Glad I did! Nice job!! loved the whole idea behind this story and the wording was wonderful!

3 August 2007 at 21:35  

Newer Post Older Post Home

Blogger Template by Blogcrowds