Writer's Notebook

April, 5470. Professor James Hurley, leading researcher at the Second Universal University has rocked the foundation of the academic world with a spectacular find which has turned thinking on the origins of the ancient Lish-Eng language upside down. Professor Hurley, a specialist in the language and culture of now obsolete civilisations, was accompanying some of the world's most renowed archeologists on their dig at the ancient site of Ricame which now forms part of the vast mid-western Atlantic wastelands. As one of the party explains:

"A small group of searchers had just begun a new seam somewhat to the south of the main dig. We had reached a depth of some six fathoms when we unearthed a sizeable metal container. At first, it seemed unlikely that it it would be anything important so close to the surface. It wasn't until we recognised an airtight container that we solicited Professor Hurley's help."

What Professor Hurley had, in fact, found were three leather-bound written documents, at least three thousand years old, and vaguely resembling an early invention used for the communication of ideas. Some early samples of these books, as they were apparantly called, were found a few years ago on an island off the shores of the mid-western atlantic landmass.

The dig immediately began concentrating on this new seam, and in just a few weeks several similar objects were unearthed, all written in the Kee-Yan dialect of the now defunct Lish-Eng language. Meanwhile, Professor Hurley retired to the university's research centre, spending many months pouring over these documents and attempting to fathom the complex coding system in al its intricacies. His findings have yet to be made public but a source, close to the professor has informed "The Daily Take" that they will revolutionise our thinking on how our own language of universality should be coded and pronounced. Words like gray are but a deviant of what should actually be. Most speakers of the time coded them in the fashion of the islanders using the screechy e instead of the more refined a of the mid-western landmass. The same holds true for the snakelike s which, according to Professor Hurely, is in fact a much older and more widespread usage than the substantial z.

If they stand up to the daily cut and thrust of academic debate, Professor Hurley's findings will not prove popular, as they will radically alter our own language usage. Schoolteachers all over will fear the consequences of yet another code reform, whilst our overloaded Information Filter Technicians are predicting chaos for the vast majority of outdated computer systems. Only those computers built within the last three days have the capacity to adapt to these new findings. Meanwhile, Professor David Surly, whose lazer laser information disk on the origins of formal Universalese has already been discredited, is said to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Understandably, Professor Surly was not available for comment this morning.

This is not the first time the controversial dig has hit the headlines. Last year a civic hostel was unearthed bearing the inscription "Welcome to Memphis." This led some Ancient Near Easternologists to believe that the cradle of civilisation may, in fact, be in the Atlantic wastelands rather than in the glorious, longstanding Egyptian city bearing that name. Other finds brought to light by the dig include several pelvic like statues of an ancient deity and some screechy recordings of mass-hysteria during a worship service dedicated to this mysterious figure.