Your Highness, the Lord Oberon, King of the Underworld, Betrothed to the royal beauty, the forever lovely Queen Titania,

From your humble servant Puck, sprite of the unseen world, a loyal servant for many a long year,

Permit me, your royal Highness to give an account of my discharging of your royal Highness' mission and to beg your royal Highness to fly to my rescue at once, for I am currently incarcerated in one of the cages the earthlings reserve for their worst type of beings, those who having been tried and found guilty are thereby condemned to a lengthy period of penal servitude.

I was, as your Highness well knows, on a mission to bring more love to these puerile, quarrelsome humans, when I chanced upon a place frequented in equal measure by both males and females. Upon entering the hall known as a speed-dating centre, I saw to my horror that the humans were rushing from one person to the other, without taking the slightest interest in the conversation in which they were engaged. All they could do, was to eye up the person on the next table, a practise soon stopped the moment they had the opportunity to talk to the latter. This vicious circle continued so long, that I felt it my duty, in order to discharge your highness' commission to begin using some of my special powers to bring about lasting change. But the moment I flitted from glass to glass dropping in each glass a few drops of that precious liquid your Highness provided for my task, I was seized upon by some extremely rough and burly men who promptly hauled me before one of these human judges, an actor in a ridiculous looking wig and wearing clothes the likes of which have never been seen by me before.

Date rape was the charge levelled against me, as your Highness' potion was considered to be some kind of secret weapon, used to befuddle human maidens into thinking they were in love. I am currently in a tiny cage, with no light and very little air, and I beg your Highness to come to my aid. One more day here, and I'm sure I shall go mad - that or become a human myself, a fate worse than any madness.

Waiting eagerly for your speedy intervention, your humble servant,

Puck

4 comments:

Gushing is quite an embarrassingly (though honest) observation to make about oneself upon reading this quaint and every so spot on piece of fiction.

I'm willing to sign the petition for the release of poor Puck.

Beautifully and eloquently written Paul!

16 May 2008 at 17:31  

Outstanding! Who'd have thought that Shakespeare had predicted the use of GHB?

17 May 2008 at 18:31  

Speed dating truly is an abomination. Poor little Puck. I hope he gets his freedom!

18 May 2008 at 00:09  

Well written and very funny; this reminds me of one of my favourite people, is that wrong? Look forward to seeing your next effort!

21 May 2008 at 22:26  

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