Seeing Clearly

Dear Past Me,

How strange it is to address you like this. As if there's some some organ hidden inside, that I can separate from the rest and label as past. If that were the case, then I wonder what I would do with you. Sometimes, I feel sure, I'd do my best to destroy you, so ashamed I am of you. But that would be just treating you as a scapegoat; you, carrying my weakness and providing a more than useful excuse. At other times, I'd like to carry you about with me and show you off too others. Those are the moments I'm proud of. What an interesting tautology it is to be proud of myself in my strength but to blame you, my past, for my weaknesses. I'd rather not count the number of times, I've done that. And then there are those times, when I'd just like to sit and revel in your company, remember those precious moments that still make me feel warm inside when I think of them.

In reality, of course, your much more like a cancer than an organ. You're there filling my whole me without me even realising. How much of what I did today, can find its roots in yesterday. Impossible to say. All I can say is, what I was has become me, and what I am flows back to you.

And now I'd like to introduce you to the third me. His name is future me. I don't really know him that well. You see, he'll just turn up one day, introduce himself and take me with him. I wonder how well you know him. Maybe he's floating along through time along with you, just waiting for opportunities to knock at my door. Maybe he's really just a part of you, or a part of me. Now isn't that a sobering thought.

Have I confused you? I'm sure I have my readers. Maybe, it's because you, both of you... Mr. Past and Mr. Future, have confused me. So I'm going to the optician's tomorrow to order a new pair of glasses; one with lenses at the front and the back. That way I can keep an eye on you both.


we see past me in so many lights and have such hopes and fears for future me... i think i would like a pair of those glasses too :)

13 March 2009 at 19:34  

This is so cleverly done! Wouldn't it be scary to really see into the future?

14 March 2009 at 01:09  

"So I'm going to the optician's tomorrow to order a new pair of glasses; one with lenses at the front and the back. That way I can keep an eye on you both." Now this is what I call a "spirit line." thanks for sharing...until next time...Teach

14 March 2009 at 14:40  

Enjoyed your take on the prompt. Unexpected.

15 March 2009 at 11:24  

You spoke words of investment into personality characters, past- me and left future -me open to be.
Nicely written...TJ

15 March 2009 at 12:08  

Oh, I really liked this! Well written, too!

I like the analogy of the past being a cancer that pervades us, and 'infects' us with shame and doubt, but at the same time brings warmth and satisfaction, and shapes who we are and what we will become.

15 March 2009 at 21:33  

A piece filled with gems! The last couple of sentences are the icing on the cake!

15 March 2009 at 22:03  

Hey, you really should start selling those glasses! You'd make a fortune.

15 March 2009 at 22:05  

I read all your posts, but when something pushes me to leave my comments, I search for words of praise and find none. Your notebook deserves much higher quality feedback than what I can give you.

16 March 2009 at 13:35  

What a great post! Well written and interesting.

19 March 2009 at 17:45  

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