Writer's Notebook

I've just got back from a long, lazy cycle ride with my wife. On our way we drove past something that set my imagination off ticking. And this is what I've come up with. Hope you like it. And for more slippery stories just visit the Scribblers website.

It was the best of days, but suddenly it almost became the worst of days. There I was basking lazingly in the sun, dreaming about all the frogs I would devour that evening, if only I could muster the energy to slide into the grass and catch them. True I was occasionally disturbed in my musings by the occasional passer by. But that was no real hassle. Humans know very little about snakes and so they usually stay well away. Even those who know, generally do little more than wake me with their excited babblings. I suppose I could slip away into the undergrowth for a bit more peace, but it's still wet and cold there and the tarmac here is so warm and cosy from underneath. I don't know why humans refer to us snakes as being cunning, slippery creatures. True when we slide along the ground in our oh so effortless way, we must look quite slippery. But to tell you the truth a lot of effort goes into that slippery impression, and so I'm staying put. At least, until I'm forced away.

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We were riding along effortlessly in the bright, warms sun. After three days of hard slog and bad weather to boot, we decided today was going to be a pleasure ride. Anyway, we only had 15 kilometres to achieve that day, so there was no real need to exert ourselves. 15 kilometres alongside the canal through some of the most beautiful scenery we had passed through since leaving home. And so we lazed along the towpath, occasionally finding a burst of speed in our legs - like right now. Round the bend I went without a worry in the world. Then I saw it, far too late. It gave me the fright of my life and I pulled my front wheel round to avoid both it and certain death. Before I knew it, I had lost control of my bike and was sliding down the slippery path towards a very soft but wet landing. Well, you can imagine the hub of activity that followed my unwanted bath. Within seconds helping hands pulled me up onto the bank and not long afterwards my bike was also retrieved. But all I could do stand there shivering from fright and gibber about the near brush with death I had had. Snake, snake! That's the only word that found its way to my lips. Until the fright turned to shame as I became the butt of everyone's amusement. Yes, a common, harmless grass snake had made me ride headlong into the canal.

* * * * *

I couldn’t begin to describe that shock if I had all the words in the cunning snake’s dictionary of creative expressions. The worst thing about it was that it came upon me so quickly. And such a frightful monster as I have never seen. I just had time to withdraw my head as he thundered passed. Just a few seconds later and I would have been guillotined by the horrid creature with two thin round legs. With all my might I slithered away into the undergrowth and watched from the safety of some the long grass. What I saw amazed me. Far from being decapitated myself, I was that that creature had been sawn in two. But amazingly he still lived on. His upper half looked and moved exactly like a human did. And the other humans who had gathered around in the meantime, treated it as if it was human. But the bottom half, those round, thin legs were also hauled out of the water. They apparently were quite dead, because they lay perfectly still on the exact spot I had dreaming away my day just a few minutes earlier. What an escape I had had! And what a strange story to tell my fellow snake-scribblers next Sunday.